many has been said about how Depression can turn a powerful nation crumbling down to a third world chaos. of course its about the economy. but for this case, my feelings will become my own third world Chaos. Having travel down south to KL, i have lots of hopes and dreams. i dream i would be occupying my hands with endless love. i dream i could once again look into the eyes of another beautiful human being and tell romantic stories. i dream and dream and made up my own fantasy world.
that fantasy was about to become the Final Fantasy.
instead, i met with endless negative feeling. the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of unwanted. the feeling of even the words itself could not be expressed. Upon teling myself not to think likewise, try to be a positive minded. however, such act would only spark another wave of negative feeling and its the killer this time-depression. Depression can mend or bend a man. this time, it really bent me. twisted and turned like a plastic straw hat knows no boundaries, i was forced to succumb to my feelings. nt only it affected me as a whole, but the people i call dear were too hit by this negative feeling. it gave out such an aura that i can only tell myself "what am i doin here?! " the agony,the sorrow, much to be left untold, poured into my mind like a river raging down the gorge. body tempreature starts to fluctuate like an hour-glass. appetite wears itself out like a rubber scourged to the ground. i feel like being crushed by the endless amount of weight through this feeling.
Depression kills..
no doubt, it can lead to people committing such an act. it drives man mad and push them way above their limit. something like the movie The Happening, were people commit mass suicide when Mother Nature pours out its gas.
i've said enough about this wretched feeling. time for me to get rid of it.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
when friends turn into foes..
everyone used to have their own kind of best friends forever kind of thinging. these such relationships are made up in their teenage times and sometimes from young too. the fact that FRIENDS FOREVER sends out a loud and strong message, that they actually think they'll be forever be friends.
thats not how i see from my own perspective. learning and growing up in a school full of individualistic and conservative people is anyone's nightmare. friends are sometimes have to be dug up and bonded with. even so, thats only 1/4 of the battle won. the rest is maintaining that relationship ; friendship. in that process, many things can happen. some things happened so fast, that when you blink even for a split second, you'll find yourself losing that relationship. EVEN SO, losing a friendship isnt as pain as the ongoing gossips that circulates around your other friends about you. sometimes, its the gossip itself that gets manipulated. too manipulated up to the fact that you might have people avoiding you and possibly glare right at your face. in the end, you'll suffer mentally. This is the downside of making friends within a particular neighborhood. Growing up in Malaysia and especially in Penang seems tough for literalistic mind such as myself. not only im condemned by their actions, but the mental absence i felt within myself proves too much for me to handle.
However, there's always a silver lining within these mentally Holocaust. when we say a friend in need is a friend in deed, we intend to assume that if we do good onto these particular people, we'll be remembered. We will be remembered for the good things we had done for them and with them. We will be forever grateful because of our Samaritan attitude towards these ppl. True..up to a certain stage.
The Malaysian culture is always a debatable issue. what is Malaysian's culture? is it the race? the diversity among us all? the common things we share?
my elaboration about Malaysian culture is this ; when we do something right, we will be remembered for a period of time. But if we do something wrong, we will always be remembered through our mistakes. Talk about mistake, i've made the most terrible mistake i could've possibly made in my life and its so painful i wish i hadn't met him at all. im speaking through my experience. i have this friend of 8 years since high school. he was my senior in our working place(he resigned after i joined). now throughout our experience, we had our ups and downs as friends. we tell each other our problems, shared good ones with other friends. hell, he was like a brother to me.
in my working place, when im having difficulties, i always voice out to him, having known he is familiar with my manager's attitude(formerly his manager also). at that time he was still in Penang waiting to go to S'pore to further his studies. when he came back, we hang out together and he mentioned to me he was gonna visit his former manager for just a light coffee talk. as usual i wont suspect anything since i trust him. so a week after i resigned, i went back to my store to pay a visit to my supervisors and partners. i smiled with full of wonderful memories but only to leave with a brokened heart. My partners confronted me and told me the story that took place between him and my Manager. my heart sank like a stone. make no mistake, my partners know who i mix with since i brought my friends to the store with me.according to them, he deliberately told the story i used to be telling him to my manager and boy she dont look too happy once she heard it from him. as a result, she went Blitzkrieg on all my partners there. i felt so sad and fucking stupid at the same time. A friend whom i trusted..with my LIFE almost took it away from me. now i wont be able look at such ppl the same way ever again.
the impact he left on my mind had created a large crater of hatred that i can never cover up easily. According to Jesus, love your enemies as I have loved you. As a human being, i can never look at such person the same way ever again. Such if people dont appreciate friendship, then they shouldnt have any instead! Malaysians sometimes make me sick. the lust for currency is so powerful that even at the cost of friendship and possibly...family. and with the politics thats ever popular than Dato' Nocole David herself continues to dominate the Malaysian media headlines rather than improving the lifestyle and morality of the citizens, it seems that Malaysia's culture might be the next thing on the 'HAMPIR PUPUS' list after the Tapir.
MAY GOD HELP US ALL.
thats not how i see from my own perspective. learning and growing up in a school full of individualistic and conservative people is anyone's nightmare. friends are sometimes have to be dug up and bonded with. even so, thats only 1/4 of the battle won. the rest is maintaining that relationship ; friendship. in that process, many things can happen. some things happened so fast, that when you blink even for a split second, you'll find yourself losing that relationship. EVEN SO, losing a friendship isnt as pain as the ongoing gossips that circulates around your other friends about you. sometimes, its the gossip itself that gets manipulated. too manipulated up to the fact that you might have people avoiding you and possibly glare right at your face. in the end, you'll suffer mentally. This is the downside of making friends within a particular neighborhood. Growing up in Malaysia and especially in Penang seems tough for literalistic mind such as myself. not only im condemned by their actions, but the mental absence i felt within myself proves too much for me to handle.
However, there's always a silver lining within these mentally Holocaust. when we say a friend in need is a friend in deed, we intend to assume that if we do good onto these particular people, we'll be remembered. We will be remembered for the good things we had done for them and with them. We will be forever grateful because of our Samaritan attitude towards these ppl. True..up to a certain stage.
The Malaysian culture is always a debatable issue. what is Malaysian's culture? is it the race? the diversity among us all? the common things we share?
my elaboration about Malaysian culture is this ; when we do something right, we will be remembered for a period of time. But if we do something wrong, we will always be remembered through our mistakes. Talk about mistake, i've made the most terrible mistake i could've possibly made in my life and its so painful i wish i hadn't met him at all. im speaking through my experience. i have this friend of 8 years since high school. he was my senior in our working place(he resigned after i joined). now throughout our experience, we had our ups and downs as friends. we tell each other our problems, shared good ones with other friends. hell, he was like a brother to me.
in my working place, when im having difficulties, i always voice out to him, having known he is familiar with my manager's attitude(formerly his manager also). at that time he was still in Penang waiting to go to S'pore to further his studies. when he came back, we hang out together and he mentioned to me he was gonna visit his former manager for just a light coffee talk. as usual i wont suspect anything since i trust him. so a week after i resigned, i went back to my store to pay a visit to my supervisors and partners. i smiled with full of wonderful memories but only to leave with a brokened heart. My partners confronted me and told me the story that took place between him and my Manager. my heart sank like a stone. make no mistake, my partners know who i mix with since i brought my friends to the store with me.according to them, he deliberately told the story i used to be telling him to my manager and boy she dont look too happy once she heard it from him. as a result, she went Blitzkrieg on all my partners there. i felt so sad and fucking stupid at the same time. A friend whom i trusted..with my LIFE almost took it away from me. now i wont be able look at such ppl the same way ever again.
the impact he left on my mind had created a large crater of hatred that i can never cover up easily. According to Jesus, love your enemies as I have loved you. As a human being, i can never look at such person the same way ever again. Such if people dont appreciate friendship, then they shouldnt have any instead! Malaysians sometimes make me sick. the lust for currency is so powerful that even at the cost of friendship and possibly...family. and with the politics thats ever popular than Dato' Nocole David herself continues to dominate the Malaysian media headlines rather than improving the lifestyle and morality of the citizens, it seems that Malaysia's culture might be the next thing on the 'HAMPIR PUPUS' list after the Tapir.
MAY GOD HELP US ALL.
Monday, November 2, 2009
BERHENTI! ini POLIS!
On the road, im used to overtaking slow drivers and that includes civil, government, and emergency vehicles. usually, when overtaking, there wont be much response from these vehicles. the reasons i often used is that they were going slow, obstructing the traffic behind them which often results into unwanted traffic jam @ traffic-jam-free roads.
But today, and this very morning @ 9.15am, while riding along the not-so-traffic-jam road, after crossing the Esso traffic light, there was a long string of vehicles. Now, usually this sort of queue is due to a narrow road in front of the police station which consists of 3 roads interlinking together, forming a Y-junction. even so, this traffic will escalate because the road from the Esso station until the roundabout leading to Tesco alone has 3 traffic lights!
i was wondering usually peak hours wont be this bad. so i start overtaking vehicles, only to find out to my frustration, 2 policemen on their bike... riding slowly on a 60kmph road. their presence spark fear within these motorists and therefore the traffic gets bigger because of these 2 dumbos. upon realizing i was gonna consume more time than usual, i overtook these bikes. after passing the overhead pedestrian bridge, i heard people screaming behind. i took a glance @ my side mirrors and found them policemen behind me!
so i ride slower than the traffic and gave em the opportunity to overtake me. turns out, one of em wanted me to pull over. i pulled over @ a bus stop near bukit dumbar.
here's an reenactment dialog that occurred.
(kills bike's engine)
Me : s'lamat pagi tuan, b'leh saya bantu?
Policeman1 : (kills engine) boleh saya bantu? kenapa kamu bawa laju?
Me : saya on the way for a meeting.
Policeman1 : Meeting apa??
Me : Staff meeting, encik.
Policeman1 : Kerja mana??
Me: kat Secret Recipe. Encik nak beli kek ke?
Policeman1:sila tunjuk lesen.
too bad, these people have no sense of humour. no worries, their work is tough. lolz!
then i followed the usual procedures of showing them my licence and ID. apparently the second policeman was interested @ my bag since it looked like a girls bag. so i showed him my girly contents and that really push his eyes back in! lolz
later on they went off. and i was feeling rather stupid as to how i could've let them off so easily. i knew i should've asked for their police ID. but what to do, when you're in that situation, you just wanna get it done with.
after that, im done with that whole wierd policemen experience. citizens should know that these people are doing their job but still must consider about other motorist from behind. Slowing down because of them will land you into some kind of trouble because you are slowing down traffic. My advice is, regardless of who you are, do not fear as long as you follow the traffic rules. but nonetheless,i must leave with a clear message ; should you people are approached by law enforcement uniforms, always ask for their ID as security. there are alot of Fakers!
But today, and this very morning @ 9.15am, while riding along the not-so-traffic-jam road, after crossing the Esso traffic light, there was a long string of vehicles. Now, usually this sort of queue is due to a narrow road in front of the police station which consists of 3 roads interlinking together, forming a Y-junction. even so, this traffic will escalate because the road from the Esso station until the roundabout leading to Tesco alone has 3 traffic lights!
i was wondering usually peak hours wont be this bad. so i start overtaking vehicles, only to find out to my frustration, 2 policemen on their bike... riding slowly on a 60kmph road. their presence spark fear within these motorists and therefore the traffic gets bigger because of these 2 dumbos. upon realizing i was gonna consume more time than usual, i overtook these bikes. after passing the overhead pedestrian bridge, i heard people screaming behind. i took a glance @ my side mirrors and found them policemen behind me!
so i ride slower than the traffic and gave em the opportunity to overtake me. turns out, one of em wanted me to pull over. i pulled over @ a bus stop near bukit dumbar.
here's an reenactment dialog that occurred.
(kills bike's engine)
Me : s'lamat pagi tuan, b'leh saya bantu?
Policeman1 : (kills engine) boleh saya bantu? kenapa kamu bawa laju?
Me : saya on the way for a meeting.
Policeman1 : Meeting apa??
Me : Staff meeting, encik.
Policeman1 : Kerja mana??
Me: kat Secret Recipe. Encik nak beli kek ke?
Policeman1:sila tunjuk lesen.
too bad, these people have no sense of humour. no worries, their work is tough. lolz!
then i followed the usual procedures of showing them my licence and ID. apparently the second policeman was interested @ my bag since it looked like a girls bag. so i showed him my girly contents and that really push his eyes back in! lolz
later on they went off. and i was feeling rather stupid as to how i could've let them off so easily. i knew i should've asked for their police ID. but what to do, when you're in that situation, you just wanna get it done with.
after that, im done with that whole wierd policemen experience. citizens should know that these people are doing their job but still must consider about other motorist from behind. Slowing down because of them will land you into some kind of trouble because you are slowing down traffic. My advice is, regardless of who you are, do not fear as long as you follow the traffic rules. but nonetheless,i must leave with a clear message ; should you people are approached by law enforcement uniforms, always ask for their ID as security. there are alot of Fakers!
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